Friday, March 26, 2010

I've been contemplating this for days..

Should I talk about this here or not.. But I figured that it's not exactly a secret anymore anyway, so I might as well mention it here too. Since I apparently need to talk about this. Don't know why. (No, I'm still not pregnant. Oh how I wish that was the case..)

This all started a couple months ago, when I found a small lump in my right breast. At first I thought it was just because I was about to have my period, it's normal for the boobage to get a bit more lumpy and bumpy a week or so earlier. So I tried not to think about it, and decided to consider going to the doctor if the lump was still there when my period was over. Which it was. So I went. And I had a mammogram and an ultrasound. And the doctor didn't find anything. So I was relieved. For a while. Until I noticed that the lump had gotten bigger. Lots bigger. And it started aching. So I went to the doctor again. She was dumbfounded. Hah, doctors.

So I got called to an appointment with a surgeon at the hospital. Oddly enough, she couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, just by giving me an exam. Strange, huh? And here I thought all doctors are supposed to come with x-ray vision these days. Aaanyway, I went to another ultrasound this Tuesday. The lump, the huge lump at this point, is harmless. Apparently it's just breast tissue, no problem there. The problem, however, is in a spot just a couple inches above the lump. There is some kind of abnormal tissue there, that this doctor wanted to biopsy. Well great. I go in there still kinda hoping that the lump might turn out to be a cyst after all, and come out of there hoping that I don't have breast cancer. So that kinda sucks.

Stupid thing is, I've been having these strange pains in the very spot that they now biopsied, I just hadn't paid any attention to it, because I was so worried about the ever growing lump. What sucks even more is the fact that even if I don't have cancer now, I have a very large risk of getting it at some point. Because the tissue in that area is abnormal, so it might develop into cancer sooner or later. But hey, at least they caught it early, in case it turns out to be cancer. That's good, right?

And now that I've totally gotten myself all depressed I'm going to go have dinner and try not to think about this at all. Yeah, like that's gonna happen..


  1. Oh Nina, I'm so sorry you're going through this. When will you get the results? Maybe it's good that you had the first lump, because you got the tests and found whatever it is early. I really hope it's nothing serious. Wishing you all the best and sending you happy thoughts! I hope you feel better soon :)

  2. Olen kuullut, ettei rintasyöpä oireile kivulla. Jos se epävarma kohtakin on vain kysta tai jotain? Ja hei, lääkärit ovat erehtyväisiä, joten aina on mahdollisuus, ettei siinä oikeasti ollut mitään epäilyttävää, vain väärinkäsitys.
    Toi on tosi mälsä tilanne, mutta me muut sitten tsempataan sua, eikö :)

  3. Alexandra - I have to wait two weeks for the results, which sucks even more. Not knowing is almost the worst part.

    villapeikko - Joo, niinhän sen pitäis olla että se ei oireile kivulla, näin mulle sanottiin jo vuosia sitten. Se kipu on oletettavasti johtunu siitä että se kudos siinä kohdassa on, syystä tai toisesta, ruvennu muuttumaan. Mitä se lääkäri sanoi.. Se on sisäänpäinkääntyvää se kudos siinä, tjsp. Mutta sittenhän sen näkee että selviänkö pelkällä säikähdyksellä.

  4. Nina, you know I'm praying for you! I wish I was there to give you tea and hugs!

  5. I'm sorry about your worries. Finding out about it now is certainly better, but going over and over it (and over and over it) in your head is not fun. My thoughts are with you hoping for positive (I mean in a good way) results and some downtime for your brain.

  6. No johan sua on elämä heitelly. Oon tosi pahoillani. Toivottavasti saat pian jotain ratkaisua tähän.


  7. My aunt beat breast cancer decades ago. Now there are more resources and treatments than ever - so many reasons to have hope! Good luck; crossing my fingers for you.

  8. Dorothy - Thank you. <3

    Amybel - I'm trying not to think about this too much, but it's kinda hard. Just have to try to keep busy all the time, to keep my mind from wandering. I've noticed that playing Mahjong on Facebook is a very good way. :) Thank you.

    Annina - Joo, eipä tää mitään hauska viikko oo ollu.. Mutta onpahan tutkittu ainakin. Kiitos.

    Theresa - I know that there are very good treatments nowadays, so even if this did turn out to be the worst option then at least they caught it early and can start treating it. Thank you.

  9. Kaikkea hyvää.
    Oli diagnoosi sitten mikä tahansa.

  10. Oh my!! I really don't know what to say other than you'll definitely be in my thoughts.
    You're so lucky to have found this early.